So Much Of Not Enough
by blurredx
Summary: James loves Lily. James annoys Lily. How does he win her over? JPLE Rated for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:** Starting a new fic while I have writer's block on another. Yes, this is a Lily/James fic, and I'm going to try to avoid any OOC ness. If you see something you think is OOC, let me know in a review. So please R&R and check out my other fic, "The New Kids." By the way, I welcome ALL reviews, even flames. Thanks!

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Harry Potter and all related characters, etc, there would be no one named Albus Potter. That name sounds terrible. Anyway, please don't sue me.

**XXXXXXXX**

James Potter was a hugely popular Quidditch star. That combined with his good looks had many girls swooning at his feet and heavy scowls crossing the lips of the males in the vicinity wherever he went. To be seen talking to James Potter was to be _seen._ He was often the center of attention in the Gryffindor common room, at least amongst those in his year and below. He was a bit of a trouble-maker, but that made him all the more endearing to his peers. He was the ringleader of The Marauders, which is what he and his three best friends, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew called themselves. He came from a rich, pureblood family and everyone knew it.

Lily Evans was a pretty girl, very smart, often found in the library with her nose buried in a book. She was that front-row-sitting, top-marks-recieving, bookish kind of girl. Her best subject was potions, Professor Slughorn simply adored her. She was Muggle born, but unashamed. She wasn't unpopular, she just didn't care to be the center of attention. Her startlingly green eyes often earned her lots of attention from people, particularly ones she just met. All in all, she was a rather simple person. She enjoyed school and was very ambitious. In fifth year, she was selected to be a Prefect, and she did the job well.

It was common knowledge amongst the students at Hogwarts that James was more or less head over heels about Lily, and that Lily was none too fond of James. In their third year, rumours started flying that James liked Lily, but those were merely thirteen-year-old-giggly-type rumours. Sirius, Remus, and Peter always remained steadfastly loyal to James and refused to confirm that he did, in fact, like Lily. Over the years, the talking died down, but it became certain that James was basically in love with Lily. Lily herself didn't particularly like to believe this, since she thought James was a bit of a big-headed idiot, so she convinced herself that it was merely her peers being stupid and inventing stories for the sake of it.

James wasn't certain exactly when he fell in love with Lily or why. All he knew was that she was beautiful and witty and absolutely perfect. Whenever she walked into a room, his stomach did a back flip. Whenever she laughed and those amazing eyes lit up, he longed to be the one making her laugh. And whenever she was angry or upset, he wanted to be the one sitting there with his arm around her, making everything better. Of course, no one knew quite the extent of his feelings for her. Yes, he'd told the other three Marauders that he liked Lily, but never exactly how she made him feel. He knew Peter would smirk, Remus would try to pretend he understood completely but would really be fighting back the urge to laugh, and Sirius would fall out of his chair, clutching his sides with laughter and once he recovered, tell James that he was going soft.

How the rest of the school found out that he was in love with Lily he would never know, since he was certain none of the Marauders told anyone. But alas, the dormitories weren't completely soundproof and someone may have overheard him telling the others. Or perhaps someone had correctly deduced the reason he was always glancing around the room or staring into the corner where Lily sat with her friends. Or perhaps he shared a common room with a skilled Legilimens, though he doubted the last one. That was much more the type of thing Snivellous would be interested in learning than any Gryffindor. Well, however it got out, he didn't much care as long as he could go on believing that Lily didn't know. Deep down, he was sure that Lily had heard something. But he preferred to convince himself that she hadn't, or that perhaps she didn't believe what everyone said.

And here it was, fifth year, and he'd been in love with Lily for quite some time. He'd never done anything about it, despite the thought crossing his mind multiple times. He was probably waiting for some kind of indication that the feeling was mutual, but he never received anything of the sort. Sometimes he thought he might as well get on with it and let her know how he felt. But that thought was always countered when he reminded himself that there was a (rather high) chance of rejection, and that once he told her, there was no taking it back. He'd either have to persist or give up and he was entirely uncertain which course he would choose. So for now he'd sit back and wait. For what, he didn't know. That was something he'd need to figure out, and soon.

**XXXXXXXX**

_Will someone please explain to me how he turns up every bloody place I go in this school? _Lily thought exasperatedly as she pushed open the door to the Hospital Wing only to find Potter lying in the bed nearest the door. Wherever she went, whether it was class, the common room, the library, the Owlery, the grounds, and now apparently the Hospital Wing, somehow, Potter was there. She'd only come to ask Madame Pomfrey about antidotes to different common poisons. She would have gone to Professor Slughorn, but it was a Saturday morning and he wasn't likely to be up for a few hours, and she wanted to get her essay done early. But now she wished she'd just waited until after lunch to go see Slughorn. _Although, _she thought dully, _knowing Potter, he'd have been in Slughorn's office by the time I got there for some reason or another. Probably a detention._

A quick glance around the ward showed no sign of Madame Pomfrey and Lily assumed she was in her office, so she reluctantly turned her attention to Potter, who was grinning up at her from where he lay on the bed a few feet away.

"Hey, Evans," he greeted her in an annoyingly cheerful way. "Come to visit my sickbed, I see."

"Hardly." Potter's face fell. "I've come to see Pomfrey."

"Now, why would you want to talk to her, when you could be talking to me?"

"I could name about eighty reasons off the top of my head."

"Oh yeah? Let's hear them."

Lily gave him a pitying look. "Like I'd waste my time. Where is Pomfrey, anyway?"

"Her office." Potter looked distinctly put out now, slumped against the pillows. For the first time, Lily noticed his arm was in a sling and guessed he'd been hit by a stray Bludger. She was on the point of asking just what had happened when Madame Pomfrey came bustling out of her office.

"Morning, Miss Evans. Come to visit Mr. Potter? How nice," she said distractedly before turning her attention to James. "How's your arm this morning? Feeling better?"

"Yes. Bit stiff, but usable."

After bending his arm in as many different directions as it would go, she seemed to decide it was back up to snuff.

She straightened up and said "Very well, then, Mr. Potter, after breakfast you may go. I'll bet you'd like some porridge, too, Miss Evans. Excellent, excellent."

"Actually, Madame Pomfrey, I just came to-" But it was no use. Madame Pomfrey was already trotting back to her office, mumbling about porridge.

Something of the grin James had worn when Lily had first entered the ward graced his face now. "Looks like we're dining together this fine morning!"

Lily merely sighed in response and took a seat next to Potter's bed, not knowing what else to do, since she couldn't very well walk out after Madame Pomfrey went to the trouble of making her breakfast. So when the matron brought out two bowls of porridge and two glasses of orange juice, she just accepted her tray with a quiet "Thanks," despite the fact that she'd already had a rather hearty breakfast in the Great Hall not too long ago. She sat there, picking at her porridge, lost in thought about her unfortunate situation until James broke the silence.

"Are you going to even look at me, or just pretend I'm not here?" Lily looked up. "That's better. Now, are you going to ask how I sustained this dreadfully unfortunate injury, and whether I'll be fit for this afternoon's Quidditch Match?"

"Well, I wasn't going to-"

"It was a Bludger. Annoying little buggers they can be, but due to the fact that I am exceedingly macho, I barely even felt it," He grinned in a self-satisfied way, then glanced at the sling that was currently hampering his eating. "Broke my arm, though... All is well, however, as I will be perfectly able to play today."

Lily was saved the trouble of responding by Sirius entering the ward. As soon as he layed eyes on the unlikely breakfast companions, a wicked grin creased his face.

"How come I wasn't invited to the party?" he inquired. "Or was it private? A date, perhaps?"

"Not at all, not at all," Lily replied, a smile on her face to match the one on Sirius'. She stood up and thrust the tray holding her barely-touched porridge into his chest. "In fact, I was just leaving. Ciao!"

And with a devilish smile in Potter's direction, she departed for Slughorn's office.

**XXXXXXXX**

**Author's note:** Review so I know whether to keep going! If you guys like the story, the next chapter will include the first few times James asks Lily out. :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: **So apparently, you guys like the fic. Which means I'll keep going. I like this fic better than my other one anyway. :)

**Disclaimer: **I'm not JK Rowling, nor am I claiming to be. I'm just a kid writing a fanfic. I only own (some of) the plot.

**XXXXXXX**

Later that evening, Lily was to be found in the library studying, despite the fact that it was a Saturday night. James watched her from behind a nearby bookcase, having a mental battle with himself. After she had left the Hospital Wing, he and Sirius had had a painfully awkward chat about her. Sirius said he might as well get it over with and tell her, 'cause the worst she could do was say no and James could move on. And while James could see the logic in this, somehow he knew he wouldn't be able to just move on. Which brought him back to the whole persist-or-give-up thing, and he still wasn't sure which he'd go for. So, as he stood there, looking at her, part of him was saying _"Go over to her. Talk to her. See where the conversation leads you," _and another part of him was shouting _"WALK AWAY NOW, WHILE YOU STILL HAVE DIGNITY!"_

Eventually he realised ten minutes had passed while he stood there and he knew a conclusion had to be reached. He hesitated, then threw caution to the winds and sauntered over to her, plopping himself into a chair across from her. He waited until she looked up at him before saying "Hey, Evans," as casually as he could. He was slightly put off when she merely rolled her eyes before returning to her book, but decided not to let it get to him.

"Did you, er- happen to catch the match today?"

She didn't even bother to look up from her book as she said, "Don't act stupid, Potter, I know you saw me there."

Nothing daunted, James went on, "So you happened to see my seven spectacular goals?"

"The whole school saw your 'seven spectacular goals,'" Lily replied, still not looking up from her book, "but I'm not sure I see what was so spectacular about them."

"Were you even watching?"

"Yes, Potter, I was watching, Maybe Quidditch just isn't my thing."

_Damn,_ James thought. There went the only way he could think of to impress her.

They sat together in awkward silence for a while, Lily still pretending to be reading, but actually just wondering why Potter was still there. It wasn't as if they were friends. And then, out of the blue:

"So... Lily... I was thinking, maybe - maybe sometime we could, er... What I mean to say is... Do you want to go out sometime?"

_Stupid, stupid, stupid, _thought James, lamenting how awkward he had just sounded. Ah, well, it'd have to do, no way to take it back.

Lilly finally looked up from her book and stared straight into James' eyes. He caught his breath. She looked bewildered for a moment, before she smirked.

"Very funny, Potter," she said bitingly.

He let out his breath.

_Shit, what do I do now?_

"I - wasn't joking..."

"Of course you weren't." She snapped her book shut and shoved it in her bag. "Well, I'd best be off, lovely chatting with you."

And with that she rose from her chair and exited the library, leaving James with a cold, confused feeling in the pit of his stomach.

**XXXXXX**

When Lily awoke the next morning she couldn't remember whether the events of the night before in the library had actually happened or whether she'd just had an exceedingly strange dream. She preferred to believe the latter, but a nagging feeling told her that it was the former. She pushed this thought to the back of her mind however, rolled over and went back to sleep.

James woke with a start and his thoughts immediately flitted to Lily. He couldn't believe the night before had gone the way it had. After being heartlessly rejected, even laughed at, then abandoned in the empty, darkening library, he had sat there numbly for about fifteen minutes before being chivvied out by Madame Pince. He then dragged himself back up to the dormitories and lay in bed for hours before finally falling into a restless sleep. And here it was, early Sunday morning, and he couldn't get back to sleep, because, for some reason, thoughts of Lily laughing at him crept into his mind no matter how hard he tried to ignore them.

So, after giving up trying to sleep, he got up, dressed, went down to the common room and took a seat by the long-dead fire. He sank into a kind of stupor, filled with thoughts of his current standings with Lily and whether he should keep after her. If he were to give up on her, he was sure he could find some other girl to take her place. And yet, it seemed that if he did indeed move on so quickly, it would render the last few years of trying to impress her completely pointless. And it left the most terrifying prospect of all wide open. She might find a boyfriend. James knew the only reason she hadn't yet was because it was common knowledge that he was in love with her. No one dared make a move on the star Chaser's girl, even if she wasn't technically his. But if he were to appear to move on, maybe find a girlfriend that wasn't Lily, she'd have guys lining up to take her out. This he couldn't bear to let happen. So, it seemed, the only choice was continue to chase her. But now that his chase was out in the open, people would expect him to win, just like on the Quidditch field. This was a feat he wasn't sure was reachable. But he'd sure as hell try his hardest. It was decided.

**XXXXXXX**

**Author's note: **So I know this is short, and I know last time I said this chapter would include the first _few_ times James asked her out, but I decided to do it this way instead. Hope you guys liked it! Review, pleaseeee! School started a while ago, that's why it took so long to get this chapter up, and updates will probably be rather slow. I'll try to get one up once every two weeks or so from now on, but I'll mostly only have weekends to work on it. Anyway, tell me what you thought.

vv Click it or ticket!


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note:** Okay, this chapter's longer than the previous two, so enjoy, and tell me what you think.

**Disclaimer:** Emphasis on the _fan_ in _fan_fiction.

**XXXXXX**

By the time breakfast ended, Lily had been asked whether her and James were together an excess of ten times, and so was forced to concede that it had not, in fact, been a dream. She didn't see James at breakfast though, which struck her as curious because she'd never known him to miss a meal for anything. The other three Marauders sat in their usual places, but there wasn't nearly as much talking and laughing and ruckus as there usually was within them. They seemed to be decreased without their little ringleader.

She hesitated before going back to the common room. She could easily go to the library and avoid talking to anyone else. Very tempting. And so she redirected her steps toward the library, but hadn't gone ten feet before realizing that was exactly where her and Potter had had that awful conversation. As soon as this thought occurred to her, she stopped dead in her tracks. She really didn't want to see Potter, or anyone else for that matter. But she would honestly rather sit in the common room and be bombarded with questions from others than sit in the library and be bombarded with questions from herself.

When she reached the common room, she made a hasty glance around for Potter, but didn't see him. Relieved, she made her way quietly to her favourite armchair. No sooner had she sat down, however, than she was noticed by a second year she'd never even seen before

"So how are things with you and James Potter?" the little twerp giggled.

"Nose out, please," was Lily's irritated response.

She needed to find Elle and ask her what was going on. She needed to know what rumours were circulating and who better to ask than her gossip-loving best friend? So Lily got up and headed toward the dormitory where she was sure her friend was anxiously waiting for her.

Sure enough, when she opened the door she was greeted with a pillow hitting her directly in the face.

"LILY! Why didn't you TELL me?" Elle shrieked.

All Lily could do was flop onto her bed. After about five seconds, she was hit with another pillow. She sat up and faced her best friend. Elle Domaine was a pretty girl, with long blonde hair and piercing blue eyes similar to those of Dumbledore's. That also meant that her gaze had a similar effect to Dumbledore's, one often felt they were being x-rayed. That was part of the reason Lily liked her so much, she was virtually impossible to lie to. This was probably also the reason she knew so much about the goings-on at the school. She was a regular gossip queen and easily excitable. But she could also be logical and level-headed when the situation called for it. She was French and spoke with a very slight accent that usually went unnoticed. You could only hear it when you were really listening for it or when she was very angry.

Her accent was easily detectable as she said, "Five years we've been best friends you do not find it necessary to tell me you've got a boyfriend?"

"I don't have a boyfriend," Lily said, taken aback at the anger in Elle's voice.

"That's not what everyone else has been saying."

"Well, seeing as 'everyone else' isn't involved in this particular situation, I would have thought you would check with someone who is before you go making unfounded accusations."

Even Lily was surprised at her cool retort. But the fact that Elle had made such assumptions truly angered her and she felt no remorse for what she said.

"Fair enough," was Elle's reply.

She seemed to be waiting expectantly but Lily was in no mood to offer up information willingly. She merely flopped back down on the bed. But waiting did not come easily to Elle and it was less than a minute before she said "Well?"

Lily sat up again. "Well what?"

"Well... What happened?"

"What have you heard?"

"I've heard a few different versions, the tamest of which being that he came up to you in the library and asked you to be his girlfriend. Are you sure you want to hear the others?"

"I'll hear them eventually, won't I? Might as well be from you." Lily was resigned to the fact that she had been dragged into the public eye simply because the star Gryffindor chaser had asked her out.

"Ah... Well... People have been saying that he got down on bended knee as you were coming out of a bathroom and begged you to go out with him." Elle informed her. "There's also a story saying he enchanted his broom to shoot out a jet of vapor like those Muggle skywriter airplanes and spelled out 'Lily, will you go out wth me?' above the lake."

At that, Lily laughed. People actually believed this stuff?

"Actually," Elle said with a sheepish grin, "I made that last up. But you get the idea."

"You're completely, insane, I hope you know that," Lily teased.

"You've told me enough times by now," Elle grinned. "But are you going to tell me what actually happened?"

"Your first version was almost spot on." Lily grimaced. "You were only missing the part where I laughed at him, told him it was a very funny joke, and left."

"Did you honestly think he was joking?" Elle looked like she couldn't believe her ears.

"Well, yes. Turns out I couldn't have been more wrong."

"If you'd known he was serious, you would have said yes, right?"

"Are you mental?" This time Lily couldn't believe her ears. "Never."

"You're the mental one! You do know he's bloody gorgeous, don't you?"

Lily pulled a face. "I'm not sure 'gorgeous' is the right word. He's not bad-looking, I'll give you that, but he's an utter git with an ego larger than the entire grounds..."

Elle decided it was best to hold her tongue for now while Lily was so caught up in her self-ritcheous rant and simply nodded and waited for it to be over.

A good half-hour later, when Lily finally wound down, Elle suggested they go down to the common room and try to debunk some of the rumours. Lily reluctantly agreed and the two of them set off down the stairs from the dormitory arm in arm.

**XXXXXX**

James spent the whole of Sunday morning sulking. After making his decision not to give up on Lily he had gone back up to bed and got an hour or so of restless sleep until he was woken most unkindly by Sirius leaping onto his bed.

"Rise and shine, sleepyhead!" he sing-songed in a most irritating fashion.

"Git," was James' reply before he turned over and put his head under the pillow. Sirius merely yanked the pillow from his grip and proceeded to beat the crap out of James with it.

"Bloody hell, Sirius, it's a Sunday morning. Can't a man get some peace?"

"Not when this 'man' supposedly asked out the girl he's been after for a million years last night!"

_Oh, hell. They know._ "Leave me alone," James said as he snatched the pillow back from Sirius and hid his head underneath it again.

"No, no," Sirius said as he grabbed the pillow again. "Moony!" he called before he chucked the pillow at Remus to prevent James from taking it back again. "Now, come on, mate, stop moping and tell us what the bloody hell happened."

"Don't want to talk about it," James groaned.

"We do," Remus chimed in.

"To put it simply, she said no. Alright? Satisfied?" James was irritated now.

"Not at all, we knew that much already. We want details!" Sirius was unrelenting.

James sat up abruptly and said in the most dramatic voice he could muster, "If you do not leave me alone, I will jinx each and every one of you in your sleep." He glared around menacingly in turn at Sirius, who was still kneeling on his bed, laughing, Remus, who was holding James' pillow and trying to hide his smirk, and Peter, who actually hadn't said anything but deserved a glare all the same. "_Accio Pillow!_" And with that he buried his head once again and refused to say another word. The other Marauders decided to back off - for now.

James finally stopped pretending to be sleeping at lunchtime when he knew everyone would be down in the Great Hall and he could maintain his peace. He went down to the common room to find it deserted but for his three best friends. The very three people he wanted to see least, aside from Lily. He groaned and started back upstairs, but found himself face to face with a magical barrier, no doubt cast by Remus or Sirius.

"Oh, no, you don't," Remus said.

"You're about to tell us what happened," Sirius added.

"I want to go back to bed," James said without emotion.

"What is wrong with you, mate?" Sirius asked, his brow furrowed.

"It's not like you to mope like this, James," Peter put in and something about the genuine concern on Peter's face made James go sit down on an armchair facing them.

"Well?" He asked them.

Sirius cocked an eyebrow.

"What is it you want to know?"

"What exactly took place between you and Evans," Sirius replied.

"Her name is Lily," James snapped.

"Er - right. Sorry. What took place between you and Lily."

Suddenly James felt stupid. Really stupid. And then, before he knew it, the entire story came pouring out of him. How he had stood behind the bookcase forever, thinking about what Sirius had said and arguing with himself, then how he sauntered over to Lily and made casual conversation about how fucking great he thought he was, which hadn't impressed Lily in the least. How there had been that awkward silence that seemed to span several eternities, and how he had felt he needed to break the silence with small talk, and he had just decided to ask her what book she was reading, though it was obvious she was only pretending to read and was uncomfortable, when he heard himself stammering some nonsense before he finally managed to choke out the words. How stupid he had sounded, like a little kid on the playground, all nervous and everything, how she had looked up at him, completely baffled at how sudden and random that must have seemed, and then how she seemed to decide he was kidding, how her eyes lit up with wicked amusement and she told him how hilarious she found this situation. How his heart had dropped into his stomach, and he didn't know what to say, and the only thing he could manage was "I'm not joking" which she didn't believe for a second. And then how she told him it had been "lovely chatting with him," sarcasm dripping from every syllable, had gotten up and walked out. And how he had sat there, unable to move, how even though he had known this was possible, even expected it, that didn't lessen the blow. How he had remained where he was until he was forced to leave by stupid Pince.

When he was finished he was met with three faces full of pity.

"Well, mate," Sirius said. "You've gotten yourself into quite the situation here."

"Tell me about it. " James mumbled.

"Okay, let's think, how can we fix this?" Remus asked.

James was confused. "We?"

"Duhh, you don't think we're gonna let you screw this up worse than you have already, do you?" Sirius half-teased.

James considered taking offense to this, but he knew his friends meant well, and he had screwed things up, so he decided to accept their help. The four friends sat planning until they heard the rumble of footsteps which meant lunch was over. They realized just how hungry they were and so headed down to the kitchens together to nick some food for their own lunch.

**XXXXXX **

**Author's Note: ** Sorry about the abrupt end but I couldn't come up with anything better and I really needed to get it up. Thanks to my reviewers and all who added to your author/story alerts. Means a lot. :) I'll really try and get the next chapter up faster. I haven't got school for a few days so I should have it up by Tuesday. No promises though. Let me know what you think!


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